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Advice from Strangers

This week's guest:
Don King

Dear Don,

Recently, I met a wonderful girl through mutual friends and we hit it off immediately. Here's the problem: She's 5'10", and I'm only 5'4". I rarely date because I'm so sensitive about my height, and often when I ask someone out, they seem amused that such a short guy is interested in them. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of this girl, but at the same time I really like her. What do I do?

Three Apples Tall

Dear TAT,

If I may be so boldicious, I think the main problemation is that you might be selling yourself short... get it? You seem like a supertendous guy with a lot of wonderiffic qualities, and you appear to be infatusmitten with this fine example of feminicity. If she's the right one, she'll see past your dwarfigious stature and see your supergargantulous heart instead. Go for it! And a tip from me... try combing your hair up! It adds heightitude and drives the ladies wilderrific!


Dear Don,

I've been living in my neighborhood in Cleveland for 20 years without a problem until a group of kids rented the house next door. They throw loud parties that go all night, and the language we hear is enough to make a longshoreman blush. I don't want to be a bad neighbor, but at the same time I need to let them know that this is unacceptable. Help!

Love Thy *Quiet* Neighbors

Dear LTQN,

You strike me as a politeous gentleman, so what you need to do is use all of your diplomatacticious sensitudity, ask them to desistain their loquacious vociferocity and point out that the late night celebratudiness is vexitating you. If that doesn't work, send a belt-holding prizefighter with prodigivast pugilistical skills over there to pound them into submissurrendering. I have one I can loan you if you need one, provided that I get the pay-per-view rights to this grandignificant match-up.


(Transcribed by Greg Preece)

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