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Advice from Strangers
This week's guest:
Don King
Dear Don,
Recently, I met a wonderful girl through mutual
friends and we hit it off immediately. Here's the problem: She's 5'10",
and I'm only 5'4". I rarely date because I'm so sensitive about my height,
and often when I ask someone out, they seem amused that such a short guy
is interested in them. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of this
girl, but at the same time I really like her. What do I do?
Three Apples Tall
Dear TAT,
If I may be so boldicious, I think the main problemation is that you
might be selling yourself short... get it? You seem like a supertendous guy
with a lot of wonderiffic qualities, and you appear to be infatusmitten
with this fine example of feminicity. If she's the right one, she'll see
past your dwarfigious stature and see your supergargantulous heart
instead. Go for it! And a tip from me... try combing your hair up! It adds
heightitude and drives the ladies wilderrific!
Don
Dear Don,
I've been living in my neighborhood in Cleveland for 20 years without a
problem until a group of kids rented the house next door. They throw loud
parties that go all night, and the language we hear is enough to make a
longshoreman blush. I don't want to be a bad neighbor, but at the same
time I need to let them know that this is unacceptable. Help!
Love Thy *Quiet* Neighbors
Dear LTQN,
You strike me as a politeous gentleman, so what you need to do is use all
of your diplomatacticious sensitudity, ask them to desistain their
loquacious vociferocity and point out that the late night celebratudiness
is vexitating you. If that doesn't work, send a belt-holding prizefighter
with prodigivast pugilistical skills over there to pound them into
submissurrendering. I have one I can loan you if you need one, provided
that I get the pay-per-view rights to this grandignificant match-up.
Don
(Transcribed by Greg Preece)
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