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Bush Proposes New Potential
Energy Sources: Heavy Objects
to be Placed Higher Up

WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - Exploring ways to bolster the economy without relying on foreign oil supplies, US President George W. Bush proposed seeking new potential energy sources. "I'm told that there is enormous potential energy to be found if we had a bunch of heavy objects up on hills," Bush told an enthusiastic crowd of tractor-trailer dealers yesterday. The key, Bush said, was keeping the heavy objects on the top of hills and other high places. "The moment the stuff starts rolling down the hill we start losing all the potential energy," Bush explained. "That's no good."

Bush's critics argued that he should devote more attention to alternative energy sources, such as kinetic energy. "What Bush overlooks is that heavy objects rolling down hills are enormous producers of kinetic energy," responded Brian Jones of the Rolling Stone Kinetic Energy Association. "But no, just because all the campaign contributions are coming in from potential energy suppliers, Bush wants to forget about our kinetic energy alternatives."

In a pitch to alternative energy promoters, Bush is expected to announce a new plan to deliver static electricity to consumers. Bush has apparently told his advisors that "static electricity doesn't do anybody any good if it's all stuck in one place." His proposal, however, is expected to meet considerable electrical resistance.
(Reported by Slick Sharkey)

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