CURRENT ISSUE 1/14/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Gollum Ain't That America? Frank Haskins To-Do List: Rael Moth's Diary Travistan: State of Crisis! Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Advice from Strangers This week's guest: Gollum Dear Gollum: I'm an 18-year old high school senior. My boyfriend, Rob, is pressuring me to "go all the way." He's a great guy and he says he loves me, but I want to wait until we get married. What should I do? Wendy Watson Decatur, Georgia Gollum: Master not love you! Master only wants to get into your pants! He is tricksy, he deceived us! He wants the precious! Gollum: No, no, Master not like that... Master loves you, Master respects you. Master wants the precious to make your friendship grow stronger. Dear Gollum: My brother just got out of rehab. I want to let him stay with us for awhile until he can get back on his feet again, but my wife is worried that he'll steal from us again. I thinks he's really changed this time. What do you think? Mark Franklin Quincy, Massachusetts Gollum: Master is false! Master deceived us! Will steal our money and jewelry and put the precious up his nose again! Gollum: No, no... Master is our friend. Master twelve-stepping now, is living one day at a time. Master has kicked his jones this time. (Transcribed by Miles Walker)
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