The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!






CURRENT ISSUE


1/14/03

Front Page

Weekly
Features

Advice from Gollum

Ain't That America?

Frank Haskins

To-Do List:
Rael


Moth's Diary

Travistan:
State of Crisis!



Info

Archives
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!



Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!



Advice from Strangers


This week's guest:
Gollum



Dear Gollum:

I'm an 18-year old high school senior. My boyfriend, Rob, is pressuring me to "go all the way." He's a great guy and he says he loves me, but I want to wait until we get married. What should I do?

Wendy Watson
Decatur, Georgia


Gollum: Master not love you! Master only wants to get into your pants! He is tricksy, he deceived us! He wants the precious!

Gollum: No, no, Master not like that... Master loves you, Master respects you. Master wants the precious to make your friendship grow stronger.





Dear Gollum:

My brother just got out of rehab. I want to let him stay with us for awhile until he can get back on his feet again, but my wife is worried that he'll steal from us again. I thinks he's really changed this time. What do you think?

Mark Franklin
Quincy, Massachusetts


Gollum: Master is false! Master deceived us! Will steal our money and jewelry and put the precious up his nose again!

Gollum: No, no... Master is our friend. Master twelve-stepping now, is living one day at a time. Master has kicked his jones this time.




(Transcribed by Miles Walker)




The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.