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President Travis
Travistan in Crisis, Week 3
The Daily Probe's Continuing Coverage

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan


TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Ticker tape rained down here yesterday afternoon as President Travis reclaimed his tenuous hold over the apartment-nation from the opposition party, which seized control over two weeks ago. His smile brimming with pieces of fudge brownie, the reinstated dictator rode back to the headquarters of the presidential La-Z-Boy cheered on by throngs of adoring citizens, including the dog, who tried to jump on him and lick him on the mouth. The leader's leg cast bore the word "Travictory" written in black magic marker.

Speaking for all to hear from the balcony overlooking the building across the street, Travis thanked his loyal supporters for their vigilance during the period of uncertainty. "The citizens of this great apartment-nation have borne the burden of eating seafood salads for dinner and watching Judging Amy every Tuesday night," he said. "They shall suffer no more."

During the 15-day Mrs. Travis occupation, government officials enforced a strict embargo on beer, orange soda and mint Skittles, which left many citizens concerned for their cultural future. "Let us again enjoy the fruits of freedom and stability in our cities," said Travis. "Now we shall watch Battlebots in peace with the knowledge that we have once again defeated the forces of healthy and responsible home life." He later declared the main thoroughfare between the TV and refrigerator be named Boulevard de la Travolución.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)

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