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01/21/03

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President Travis

News From Travistan

The Daily Probe Reports from the
Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan


Travistanis With Disabilities Act Passes Easily
TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - In reaction to a recent epidemic of enormous pregnant bellies and broken limbs, the Travistanis With Disabilities Act was signed by President Travis yesterday from a reclining position on the presidential La-Z-Boy. The act allows for a moratorium on all non-necessary government functions when officials are either elevating their surgically-embellished legs or just too damn lazy to move. While critics cite a buildup of potentially toxic smells in the area of the kitchen sink and an irresponsible animal-waste management system in place under the act, many experts believe that the act's provision for unlimited pizza deliveries will stimulate the apartment-nation's economy in preparation for the impending wave of immigration. Travistan's director of domestic affairs reports "cautious satisfaction" with the policy in light of her department's nearly constant backache and general atmosphere of yuckiness.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)


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