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Probe Movie Review
by Alice Higgins

Professor of Wymyn's Studies
University of Toronto

  The Mothman Prophecies

Rating: 1 Star (out of 5)

Where to begin with this disgusting cock-waving display?

First of all, the title character is apparently some sort of alien or mystical creature from... somewhere. I haven't got the slightest clue. I wasn't paying attention to the plot. Instead, I was stunned by the total and complete lack of exterior genitalia on this creature. That's right, this thing has nothing, yet they insist on calling it the Moth-MAN. Hollywood just isn't happy unless they're thrusting Mr. Happy in our disgusted and turned-away faces!

The film stars Richard Gere, who seems to carry a scent of cedar chips wherever he goes, and is best known for telling the world that even a filthy whore is incomplete without a man in Pretty Woman. Starring with him is Laura Linney, herself best known for emotionally fellating Ferris Bueller in You Can Count On Me.

They are on the hunt for this mysterious Moth-MAN creature. Apparently it is from another world or plane or something, and causes memory loss in Gere and other characters. Sounds like the Moth-MAN is slipping people "roofies," which would actually lend credence to the theory that the thing is a man after all.

At any rate, I cannot recommend this movie, even if Linney looks very fetching and butch in a police uniform. The men are all vulgar penis-pumpers, and the wymyn are all nothing but phallus-sleeves for them. And the Moth-MAN has no penis. I am starting a petition to be sent to Sony Pictures demanding the renaming of this cinematic excreta to The Mothmyn Prophecies to acknowledge my sisters, both human and alien (or whatever). Until then, my one-star rating stands.

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