CURRENT ISSUE 01/28/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List Musing With Mitch NEW FEATURE! Riding Shotgun With Adventure Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   My dream Super Bowl ad would feature Dr. Joyce Brothers, Kofi Anan, and my nephew Roy. If aliens come to earth, my money says they'll go straight for Henry Winkler. My mailman looks a lot like Rosemary Clooney. Maybe a bit too much like her. I wouldn't bet the house on it, but my instinct tells me that Canada will be the next to join the Axis of Evil. Oh, just shut up and go to war already. Of all the words I can type right handed, I like "pumpkin" the best. What is that chewy shit they keep putting in my chowder? At my funeral, I hope they play Girl From Ipanema instead of Danny Boy. For my money, Betty was the glue that held the Flintstones together. My bathwater had better be tepid or look out! If spacemen built the pyramids, they sure did one hell of a job. I've never jumped out of a plane, but if I did, I don't think I'd shout "Geronimo!" Not in these politically sensitive times, anyway. This lump on my ass ain't getting any smaller, kids. Does anybody else eat Zagnut bars anymore? I sure do! I think Raleigh is the new St. Louis. Am I the only one who gets all these e-mail advertisements from people I don't know? Given the choice between butter and sour cream, I'll take butter nine times out of 10. I bet Dolly Madison was one classy fuckin' broad. Euphemism, schmeuphemism -- it looks a lot like choking a chicken to me.
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