McCain Vows To Wedgie, Pound Lieberman During Senate Recess
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - Senator Joe Lieberman has requested extra security
after various handwritten and verbal threats from fellow Senator and House
Bully John McCain this past week. "Im gonna totally get you as soon as
recess starts, u nerd. your so dead.(sic)" reads one of the notes
Lieberman received from a house page, apparently on behalf of McCain,
although the note is unsigned. "Im gonna pound you're little ass
into the dirt and make you eat the dirt and wedgie you untill you cant
shit strait. (sic)" reads another. "Look at the handwriting! You know it
was him!" Lieberman was overheard yelling.
Sources inside the Senate reveal that the feud dates back two weeks, when Lieberman got McCain in
trouble on two separate occasions. During one, McCain was reprimanded for
attempting to cheat during a vote. Sources say that McCain had leaned over
to Lieberman and asked, "What are you voting? I wasn't paying attention."
Lieberman reportedly stared straight ahead, refusing to help the former
war hero, whispering, "I don't cheat. Do your own work." Later that same
day, Lieberman is alleged to have "told" on McCain for drawing crudely
pornographic stick-figure pictures of National Security Advisor Condoleezza
Rice. Both actions resulted in Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle giving
McCain three weeks of detention.
Although McCain denies any involvement in the Lieberman threats, his inability to keep a
straight face while addressing the allegations has led some political
analysts to accuse him of knowing exactly what's going on. "I haven't got
anything against the little weasel," McCain was seen snickering to the
press. "But if he isn't careful, he's headed for a thumping. That's all
The comments sent waves of controversy through DC watchdogs.
On Politically Incorrect, noted Democratic supporter and comic Al
Franken reacted harshly. "Look there! He's laughing about it! How can you
not see that?" Franken exclaimed as a tape of the comments were played, evoking
derisive laughter from the other panelists. Host Bill Maher responded to
Franken's allegations by saying, "Calm down, Poindexter. That doesn't mean
anything. Boy, you nerds really stick together, don't you?" After the
taping, sources backstage confirm that Maher was seen dunking Franken's
head in the toilet.
(Reported by Greg Preece / Graphics by Michael Sheinbaum)