CURRENT ISSUE 2/4/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: John Ashcroft Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop About The Probe Contact Us!	Probe Movie Reviews by J.J. Krueger   The Mothman Prophecies What's up, kids? Today's movie review is The Mothman Prophecies, the new movie starring Richard Gere and Laura Linney and directed by Mark Pellington, the director of Arlington Road and U2: Rattle and Hum. I've never seen that Arlington movie but I caught part of the U2 movie on Skinamax like a few years ago. I totally fucking hate U2. I mean, like, some of the early songs they had were ok, but shit man -- have you ever listened to that shit off that zoo tour or the one with like the McDonald's arch? That fucking all sucked. My best friend Dobie likes them but he likes a lot of different shit though. Me, I say if the song's about weed, it totally can't be all bad. I like totally live my life on principles, man. It's what like totally separates us from like the savages and like the French. Anyhow, The Mothman Prophecies stars Richard Gere as this like reporter and Laura Linney as his like wife, and then they see some scary moth in the sky and bad shit like starts happening or something. To like be totally honest, I totally just don't like see the point in talking about any movie with like Richard Gere. I don't want to like insult him or anything, but can you like think of a more fucking boring actor? He's like totally exactly the same in like every movie I've ever seen him in -- fucking boring. First Knight -- totally boring chick flick. And Pretty Woman? Fuck, man. I totally don't want to be like too insulting in case I like bump into Rick at a big-time Hollywood party or anything, but if I wanted to be like bored to death all I gotta do is like sit through the weekly team meeting starring Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger. God, I totally hate Karen. I've tried to be nice because I like promised Dean I like would, but fuck it. She's like picking on me for dress code like all fucking week -- it's all like "tuck this in" and "button this" and "zip it up like all the way." What a bitch. As soon as I get promoted to assistant manager though, she'll have to fucking quit like giving me shit all the time. They said The Mothman Prophecies doesn't have any nudity or drugs or nothing, so I just can't recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 1 J out of a possible 7 Js. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to Jenny C., Akron OH: Look, that was totally like un-called-for. Don't like email me anymore. P.S. No, YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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