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Musing With Mitch  

by Mitchell Kobriger  

Mitchell Kobriger

I don't care what the commies says, I like my pastrami hot.

If you decide to shave your back, get some very long-handled razors or you'll end up looking worse than you started, believe me.

Most things are harder with a blindfold. But that's probably the entire point.

I'll bet real mafia guys don't curse half as much as those Sopranos guys do.

I've never met a hooker with a heart of gold, but I once knew one with a leg of tin.

"Where's the beef?!?" God, that still cracks me up!

For my money, eating crackers in bed ain't so bad if you don't mind the ants.

I'll take the Williams sisters over the Olsen twins any day of the week -- but ask me again in two years.

I don't know who General Tsao was, but he was one hell of a poultry chef.

If you were to sit down and count them all up, you'd probably find there's a lot of Chinese people out there, gang.

Sure, SUVs are tippy, but they get you where you want to go nicely and up high, where it's safer.

Boy, that Al Pacino looks like he could use a nap, doesn't he?

If you want a great example of true heroism in the face of extreme adversity, look no further than Lola Falana.

It's a damn shame eating sardines while watching TV doesn't cure cancer.

If I had to choose which vegetable I'd least want to be sodomized with, I'd have to go with the artichoke.

If I were king of the world, I'd make Brooke Shields my queen. She looks like she needs a little Mitchell in the morning.

Hey, look at my hair and tell me my barber isn't a genius!

I once tried to rob a kindergarten. I'd have gotten away with it, too, if not for those meddling kids.

I have a hard time believing there's more than a couple dozen people living in Rwanda.

It's a shame finches can't talk, because I bet they know a lot of good bird jokes.

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