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 Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger A Walk to Remember What's up, kids? Today's movie review is A Walk to Remember, the new movie starring Mandy Moore and a bunch of like other people you've never heard of and directed by some dumbass who's name I don't fucking know and totally neither will you. I mean, cmon -- Mandy Moore? What the fuck? I totally don't get why they think that like anybody other than 12-year-old girls would want to see that movie, totally. You'd think they'd like learn by now that they're totally fucked in the head to like think that just because someone's like a popular singer that they'll like automatically be a like popular movie star. The only singer ever that's like worth a shit that became like a good actor is Dwight Yoakam. I fucking hate country music but he's like ok, but like aside from that he fucking kicks ass in movies. Have you seen Sling Blade? That fucking ruled and Yoakam was fucking great as like the bad guy. He's like the only one though of all those fucking singers. Madonna? Fuck that. Britney fucking Spears? That's gotta be like a joke or something. Fucking I could be a better fucking actor than all these assholes they're like putting in flicks today. Fuck, I'm totally sorry I'm like so negative today. I've totally had a shit week. Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger, may actually get promoted to running the whole fucking Big Burger because Dean, who's doing it now, may get promoted to regional manager. Fucking like total shit fucking hell. If that fucking happens, I might as well like start applying around because there's like no way in hell she'll like ever promote me to assistant manager. I guess it's totally time for like the J.J. genius genes to like kick in -- I gotta totally figure a way to like screw this up so like Dean stays. Maybe if I'm like super clever too, I can get Karen like transferred to Canada or something too. That'd totally rule. Anyhow, think like totally good thoughts for J.J. There's no fucking way A Walk to Remember has like anything of any interest totally whatsoever like drugs, nudity or violence, so I just can't recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 1 J out of a possible 9 Js. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to Steven S., Seattle WA: Dude, that didn't even make sense, totally. I couldn't figure out if like I was supposed to do that to myself or if like that was supposed to totally be done to me. Learn to like write, dude. P.S. TOTALLY SAME TO YOU, DICKWAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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