CURRENT ISSUE 02/18/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List Alaric Moth's Diary News from Dadistan Musing With Mitch Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Cows have four stomachs, the lucky bastards! I've had a bean lodged in my ear canal since I was 8, and it hasn't affected me a bit. If my best friend needed a kidney, I wouldn't give it to him. Once you do that, the whole friendship changes. Another Valentine's day, another notch on ol' Mitch's bedpost, if you catch my drift. I have a friend who is Mexican, but he talks just like a regular guy. Rice dishes that instantly make my mouth water: Paella, jambalaya, Condoleezza. If it comes in lemon, I'll take a whole damn case! Why don't radio stations use five letter names, anyhow? The last time I used marijuana was October 18, 1973. The next time is right now. If you ask me, the Dutch sure have a lot to answer for. Hey, all you worked-up Muslims -– ease up on the caffeine, already! I could live on circus peanuts and Yoo-Hoo. And live quite well. What with these damn kids with their pants halfway down their butts? Scratching in public? Oh yes, there are rules. For my money, Valentine's Day is the best time to provide your doctor with a sperm sample. Kept your damn secret sauce off my burger, you communist! Words I like: Bracken, lugubrious, cherf and billibong. We can put a man on the moon but we still can't put aluminum foil in the microwave. Those Olsen twins were a couple of damned ugly babies. I'm glad things worked out.
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