CURRENT ISSUE 02/18/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List Alaric Moth's Diary News from Dadistan Musing With Mitch Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto   Daredevil Rating: 1 star (out of 5) Greeting and salutations, sisters! I know many of you have been writing this bowlwinder of an "e-zine" wondering about my absence. Indeed, the owner and editor of this publication have been forwarding your missives to me post-haste. Of course, they always pepper them with their own testosterone-ish come-ons, stating that they want to "get with" me. Were they not several thousand miles away, I'd have pepper-sprayed the DNA out of them by now. But since they aren't, allow me to publicly respond: Editor ... I'll tell you what I told Anne Heche ... It's not going to happen. Now stay a thousand yards away from me. It has truly been a trying time for your favourite demagogue, sisters. I've recently lost my long-time companion to, of all things, a man! I don't mind telling you, at first I didn't handle it well. After all, to have the wonders of the sisterhood of Sappho rejected for the minute-long drunken probings of a so-called "trouser snake" can be quite the blow to the self-esteem that Lilith has given us. At one point, I had barricaded myself in my apartment and taken a cue from Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. I had grabbed my interns by the shirt and demanded, "Whatever you do, don't ever ask me to stop drinking chamomile!" I had even toyed with the idea of overdosing on chai. Fortunately, I am now over it, so I now say the following: Violet ... It's over. If you prefer the momentary probing of a non-latex-based phallic object over the long nights of grappling we shared, more power to you. Be sure to call me when this Neanderthal is able to find the man in the boat. I won't wait up. There. That's better. I had initially thought that this week's assignment, Daredevil, may have helped. After all, the comely Jennifer Garner not only looks good, but manages to hold her own against the penis-worshipping villains and anti-heroes of the piece. Sadly, I cannot recommend it. Daredevil is the story of Matt Murdock (J-Ffleck), a young man raised into a world of violence by his pugilistic father (David Keith). After being blinded in a childhood accident, he finds that his remaining five senses (hearing, taste, smell, touch, and "love-muscle") function at super-human levels. He then adopts a masked-vigilante personality -- the titular Daredevil -- and beats up and kills a bunch of people. It's like a male dream come true! In the meantime, he falls in love with Garner (Elektra in the movie) and runs afoul of the Kingpin of crime (Michael Clarke Duncan) and his henchman Bullseye (Colin Farrell). Mayhem ensues. This is nothing more than a comic-book movie, in which the men are all alpha and the women are all scantily clad (although this is a plus in Garner's case). It's a lot of penis-bearers jumping around in skin tight leather. One of my interns commented that J-Ffleck reminded him of the "gimp" in Pulp Fiction. After pepper-spraying him, I realized it wasn't a come-on, and apologized to his parents. It turns out he was making a pseudo-intelligent observation. Overall, there is nothing to recommend about this film other than the fact that Jennifer Garner drives a spiked dagger through J-Ffleck, which should make it entertaining for both men and womyn. Sadly, a few moments of J-Ffleck in pain don't make a movie -- although it should -- and I have to give it a failing grade. Besides, J-Ffleck instills his pain with a billy club painted red. Just like a penis. All they are saying is that a penis can defeat anything! Once again, sisters, you have been warned!
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