CURRENT ISSUE 02/18/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List Alaric Moth's Diary News from Dadistan Musing With Mitch Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger    Kangaroo Jack What's up, kids? Today's movie review is Kangaroo Jack, the new movie starring the fat kid from Stand By Me and some dude named Anthony Anderson and directed by David McNally, the director of Coyote Ugly and like nothing else. I never saw Coyote Ugly, but my roommate Dobie has like a subscription to Maxim so I totally don't think I like missed anything. Hey, sorry I haven't like been around much these days but I've had shit to do, totally. Turns out that pyramid deal thing I was totally into turned out to be like a total scam, but I only lost like $800 on the deal so it's not like a total loss or anything. Plus no one's gonna believe that the Japanese mafia had like anything to do with this whole deal, so that dude is toast if he doesn't like totally drop it and like get on with his life. But that's the way it goes I guess, totally. One day you're like on top and the next day the local sheriff is like waving his finger in your face going, "Why don't you like just move away, Krueger? California's totally nice and like warm!" Fucking fascists, totally. Make me move, Sheriff Langseth, you lardass. Anyhow, Kangaroo Jack stars the fat kid from Stand By Me and the other dude as these like thieves or something, and then this like kangaroo totally steals their money and they have to like get it back or something. OK, this one I just don't fucking get at all. I don't think it's like totally common or anything for a kangaroo to, like, steal somebody's money, plus it wouldn't be that hard to fucking get it back. Plus you could just like call your boss and like explain it, because you wouldn't like make a story that stupid up to get out of like losing a pile of cash because they'd never like believe you. Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger, would've like come down there and nagged that kangaroo to death. God, I hate Karen. She's been making me clean the bathrooms like every day ever since I complained to Dean, who's like everybody's boss, that she was like wearing her hairnet wrong. I thought her brain was gonna like pop out of her head, totally. As soon as I get promoted to assistant manager though, she'll have to quit bugging me all the time. They said Kangaroo Jack doesn't have any nudity or drugs or nothing, so I just can't recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 1 J out of a possible 13 Js. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to John V., Chattanooga, TN: No, YOU get a haircut, YOU fucking hippie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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