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 Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger J.J.'s Mail Bag What's up? I've had, like, literally several more e-mails since the last Mail Bag, so here we go again with J.J.'s Mail Bag, kids! From: Kent W., Minneapolis MN J.J.: God you fucking suck. Dear Kent: No, GOD YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From: Wendy W., New Orleans LA J.J.: You totally turn me on. I definitely want to *do* you. Here's my PayPal info -- just send me six hundred dollars right away and I'll be out there on the next flight. Do it today, OK? I can't wait to *do* you. P.S. What's your home phone number? Dear Wendy: Wow, damn Wendy! I totally don't know what "PayPal" is, but I like loved your pic! See like about the six hundred dollars though -- I'd totally be glad to lend it to you but all my like dough is kinda tied up right now. You should totally take the bus up here cause it's cheaper, then I'll like show you a good time, totally guaranteed. If you get here before like next Friday, you can go with me and my best friend Dobie and go see ClubFist play at Benny's. They fucking rock, totally, so like think about it, OK? Oh, and no phone -- I owe the phone company like $550. Keep reading, Wendy! From: Ellen C., Albany, NY J.J.: You're a tasteless, sophomoric, gutter-mouthed, misogynistic monster. I hate you. Ellen: Ok, now I thought "misogynist" meant you're saying I like don't believe in God, but I looked it up and I'm like a little baffled. I totally don't hate women -- you're totally wrong by like saying that. I'm really good friends with this chick Susan from high school and I'm like not trying to like bang her or anything. OK, I have tried to bang her, but we're still like totally really good friends. Don't like pre-judge people, you totally bitter old cow. Keep reading, Ellen! From: Gregory U., Miami FL J.J.: My son said his first words today! He looked up to me, grabbed my hand and with a big smile on his face, he said, "J.J. Krueger Fucking Sucks!" I was so proud! Greg: You totally shouldn't like teach little kids to swear, man. That's like what high school is for. P.S. YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! From: Pepe Le Pew, Franceville, France J.J.: I AM ZEE FRENCHMAN! LIKE HOW DARE YOU INSULT ZEE FRENCH! YOU TOTALLY SUCK, ZEE DICKHEAD!!! Dear French People: OK, I'm like totally sorry I offended a couple of you with like several comments I've made about French people and how they like suck so bad, and how they stink like piss and have the manners of like goats, totally. If it wasn't me though, you fuckers would just like find other things to complain about, like people who don't surrender right and like people who like bathe regularly. Keep reading though, you fucking frog dickwads. P.S. No, YOU TOTALLY ZEE SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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