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 Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger John Q What's up, kids? Today's movie review is John Q, the new movie starring Denzel Washington and Anne Heche and directed by Nick Cassavetes, the director of like three films you've never heard of. I gotta say I like Denzel, man. He's like totally cool. I used to watch St. Elsewhere re-runs all the time on cable and that's like a super cool show to do bong hits to. Especially that last episode, right, where that Tommy kid is playing with the snow globe, right, and it's like all a dream or like an alternate total reality or something? That just totally blew my mind, man. Those writers were like smoking some super good weed to think up shit like that. That show is totally perfect if you've got a TV, a recliner, a bunch of Leinenkugel's and a big pile of weed. I've like based my life on that philosophy, but I've been totally known to get pretty deep sometimes. Anyhow, John Q stars Denzel Washington as this like sick kid's father or something, and then the insurance company won't totally do their job so Denzel takes over the hospital with a gun or something. Fucking insurance companies, totally. They fucking totally like bleed you dry, right, and then they like come back at you six months later and they're like, "Dude, you still owe like $600.00." Fucking wasn't my fault I broke my arm, but that's another totally longer story. Let's just say I'm not like cut out to play soccer. I never wanted to throw up so much in my fucking life, except maybe when I like saw Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger, come in this one morning without any fucking makeup on at all. Fuck man, I thought she was a fucking zombie. She's like a vegan, right, and she like works at Big Burger. Fuck, man -- that makes as much sense as her like running the whole fucking Big Burger, which just might happen if Dean gets promoted. I'm doing my best to fuck the whole management change thing up so Dean stays, but aside from like a written warning I got it hasn't like done too much, and that write-up totally wasn't my fault. Fucking customers. John Q looks like it's got no drugs or nudity but like plenty of violence, so I can highly recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 9 Js out of a possible 9 Js. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to Delaney M., Kentucky Derby, KY: Dude, just like have a super-positive attitude! That's like the total attitude that's made me like a well-respected movie reviewer, man. Keep reading, Delaney! |
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