CURRENT ISSUE 02/25/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Globetrotting with Push Riding Shotgun with Adventure Frank Haskins Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Restaurant-Employed Friend Ruins Yet Another Restaurant Meal ORLANDO, Fla. (DPI) - Three friends were enjoying a perfectly fine lunch at local sports bar today until Phil Haselton, who works as assistant kitchen manager at a Friendly's restaurant, started in about the food they were eating. "Hey Mark, have you noticed that the shredded lettuce in your chicken taco is strangely crunchy? That's because it was processed at some plant across the country," said Haselton. "They dehydrate the stuff to make it cheaper to ship, and then the restaurant is supposed to add water to it once they use it. Only somebody obviously forgot to do that with yours." Mark Tiberio muttered, "Hmm," to feign mild, polite interest in Haselton's observation, then continued eating. But he was now enjoying his meal less than he had been a few moments before. Jake Schultz's meal was next. "And Jake, I'm sure that you noticed that the chunky bleu cheese dressing that came with your Buffalo-style chicken wings isn't really bleu cheese dressing, but is instead a combination of blue cheese and mayo," said Haselton. "It's not nearly as good as the real thing, but I've worked in a lot of restaurants, and lemme tell ya, it really cuts down on inventory costs." The following month, Tiberio and Schultz failed to invite Haselton out for lunch with them. (Reported by Miles Walker)
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