CURRENT ISSUE 02/25/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Globetrotting with Push Riding Shotgun with Adventure Frank Haskins Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Why the hell can't they settle on a standard recipe for trail mix? Check out the caboose on the Statue of Liberty and tell me French women ain't hot! Has Connie Chung always been Asian? If I were thinking up a name for powdered meat, berries and suet, I sure wouldn't have picked "pemmican." I think the body does a pretty good job of telling us when it's time to stop. My favorite ice cream flavors: Vanilla, French vanilla, vanilla bean. If people were more open-minded, I'd have named my cat Labia. I never learned to tell a good melon from a bad melon, so I buy 'em both. I'm spending way too much money on crap designed to keep me warm. Jojoba is just one of those things I knew I was going to love before I even tried it. The last guy who told me where I could stick it was sorely mistaken. A gross of mush melons, two dozen extra large onions, a Medieval pike and a live calf provide a kabob experience not soon forgotten. Biotechnology, my ass. For my money, soup ain't soup without some serious Tabasco action. They say less is more, but more often than not I find just the opposite to be true. It's a pity that the government doesn't seem to be interested in digging new canals anymore. I don't want blueberries in my muffins OR my pancakes, thank you very much, Miss Hippie Waitress. Having an asymmetric body isn't so bad once you get used to the aerodynamics of it. If anyone has a sure-fire method for picking a Canadian out of a crowd, I'm all ears.
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