CURRENT ISSUE 3/5/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: Dennis Miller Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Probe SWAG! Who's at Fault? Contact Us	Advice from Strangers This week's guest: Miss Cleo Dear Miss Cleo, I'm a 25-year-old Libra who has just started a very promising relationship with a new man. However, my best friend is getting exceedingly jealous. She's a Taurus, if that helps. Now the two of them are always arguing! Will this work itself out, or do I have to take a stand? Torn in Toledo Dear TIT, Oh mah dear chile, you do soun' like you in quite de pickle! Don' you worry your 'ead, girl. Miss Cleo is here to 'elp. Well, dat's not entirely true. Miss Cleo was gwanta 'elp, but dese guys at da Federal Trade Commission, dey be givin' Miss Cleo no end of 'eadache, so I 'ave to 'elp you tru dis website. Or, if you want accurate psychic predictions from my team of professionals, you jus' call dis toll free number. Den, de recordin' will tell you to call another number, but y'all see, 'dis other number, she ain' free. Dat's when you start payin' da heavy $4.99 a minute, billed directly to yar phone bill (It don' concern us if ya don' pay, chile. Da phone company, dey pay us, *den* go after you.) Den after de billin' start, you describe your problem to one of our specially trained psychics who will either be layin' out de mystical Tarot for y'all, or playin' Spider Solitaire for all I know. We only pay dem seven bucks an hour, so we don' know what dey do. But call! Dey can 'elp you! Man, dis truth in advertisin' ting is jus' killin' poor Miss Cleo ova 'ere.... Miss Cleo Dear Miss Cleo, Last night, when I went out with my girlfriends, I lost my engagement ring! I didn't even mean to! I wasn't even out partying, just drinks after work, and now it's gone and I don't know where to find it! Can you tell me where it is? I'm desperate! Frantic in Florida Dear FIF, Okay, dere chile, don' you stress yourself. Miss Cleo can call on de power of de Tarot to 'elp you fin' your ring. Don' you ret your head, gal! Okay, so to get de accurate readin' what I need is de followin' pieces of information: your date of birt', your firs' name, your astrological sign, an' your credit card number, jus' for adult verification purposes, of course. Ah, bambaclat! 'Ere come dat FTC guy again! Miss Cleo is gettin' so sick of dat guy.... Miss Cleo (Transcribed by Greg Preece)
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