March 11, 2005
The Daily Probe Staff, currently attending the SXSW Interactive conference in Austin,
were taken hostage by a viciuos Mexican gang headed by the infamous Jose Cuervo. We regret, therefore,
that we are unable to report the news today.
We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope to mollify you with this
gem we dredged up from our issue of February 19, 2002.
National Anal Sex Month Marked By Anal Sex
New York (DPI) - February marks the 75th anniversary of "Anal Sex Month," a
month-long promotion of rectal intercourse for both men and women created
and promoted by the non-profit Colon Brotherhood. Originally created in
1927, this year's celebration of all things anal features a retrospective of
public service announcements from the early years of the campaign.
Anal Sex Month promotional advertisement from 1951
Launched in 1927 with the slogan of "Give in to Haste and Remain Chaste",
Anal Sex Month has had a rich history of reflecting and driving pop culture.
From the catchy "It's Better Out Back" campaign of 1934 that provided
distraction from the Depression to the "Free Love All Over" campaign of the
1960s, Anal Sex Month has been pushing the boundaries of conventional
thinking in society.
Anal Sex Month promotional advertisement from 1937
Not that Anal Sex Month has been without controversy as well. President
Richard M. Nixon oversaw the controversial elimination of Bung Balm in the
standard field kit for soldiers, destroying the system of paired soldiering
created by President Kennedy. Without the emotional bond created by rough,
vigorous anal sex, soldiers in Vietnam suffered higher casualty rates and
emotional trauma than those in Korea or World War II. Additionally, feminist
movements in the 1960s focused America's attention on the diminishment of
the vagina brought about by Anal Sex Month and launched the "Pump a Feminist in
the Ass for Equality" campaign.
Anal Sex Month promotional advertisement from 1944
America soon recovered in the 1970s, when disco brought anal sex back into
the spotlight with Shake your Booty, Back Door Man and How Deep is Your
Love. R&B responded to the exposure disco brought with the cult classic
Get It Up (And Stick It In) by James Brown and everything ever recorded by
In celebration of 75 ass-pounding years, Americans are encouraged to get
close to loved ones and get that bung-tastic feeling that only comes from
deep rectal thrusting.
(Reported by Tommy Aquinas)
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