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 Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger All About the Benjamins What's up, kids? Today's movie review is All About the Benjamins, the new movie starring Ice Cube and Mike Epps and directed by Kevin Bray, whose only previous directing experience is like music videos of some band I've totally never heard of called Savage Garden. Even though I've never heard them I bet they totally suck. All the music that's like out right now is all fucking stupid except for the new ClubFist disc, which fucking rules. They got this song called like Fist It, which is like that old Devo song Whip It but all like sped up and with different words. I guess you can find the disc on their website or something. Plus, they're like giving me a pretty nice bag of weed for mentioning them but I would totally do it for free -- I would never like abuse my authority as a well-respected movie reviewer just for some weed. I got like scruples, totally. Anyhow, All About the Benjamins stars Ice Cube and Mike Epps as these two guys who try to get rich by like stealing diamonds or something. I don't go much for rap music but Ice Cube is like pretty cool I guess. Snoop Dogg is the only one I really totally like though, cause he smokes more weed than anybody. I'd totally like to bump into that dude at like a big-time Hollywood party or something and do like bong hits. Movie reviewers and stoned musicians totally have this like unspoken bond, kind of like the unspoken bond I don't have between me and Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger. God, I hate Karen. Let's just say that Karen's "piss test" at work idea is like officially in the "evaluation" stage and if it all goes through, I'm gonna totally have to call on the JJ genius genes to kick in and think up some like MacGyver way out of this one. There's always that like green tea shit, right? What a bitch. As soon as Dean promotes me to assistant manager though, she'll totally have to let up on giving me shit all the time. All About the Benjamins looks like it's got plenty of violence and probably weed, so I can definitely recommend the flick. Hopefully they'll have it in a few weeks at the Cine5. I give it 12 J's out of a possible 12 J's. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to Julia Roberts, Hollywood CA: If you really are Julia Roberts, even though you have a like Hotmail address, just remember - you totally have like no chance with me even if you do totally love me so don't email me anymore. P.S. No, YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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