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Musing With Mitch  

by Mitchell Kobriger  

Mitchell Kobriger

Iraq? Check. Next up, those bastards in Sweden -- I hope.

I don't know about you folks, but nothing would make me happier than if they made a Mork and Mindy movie.

I'm quite certain we wouldn't be having all these problems if we would have made it East and West Korea.

With both fun and surprise built into it, "wowee" is a mighty useful word.

People always tend to think you need an advanced degree to be good at what you do, but look at my barber. School of Hard Knocks, folks.

My favorite herbs: Basil, rosemary and a little "Peruvian" parsley.

Take it from Mitch: Never take a date to a theme restaurant, unless the theme is "cheap sex, and plenty of it."

"Marching on Baghdad" has just got to be a euphemism for something feminine and unsavory.

Science needs to hurry and find a substitute for a healthy liver, because this is one man who isn't about to look for a substitute for Colt 45.

If being a scat-freak is wrong, Mitcheroony doesn't want to be right.

On my shit list: Green socks, creamed corn and whatever hellspawn shat on my welcome mat last night.

Why has no one ever developed a strategic use for Nerf technology?

If you want really clean feet, try hanging them out the window in a blizzard at highway speeds.

What's the big deal with "designer drugs"? What's wrong with a little good ol' fashioned glue-sniffing?

For my money, it ain't worth eating if you can't pickle it.

It may surprise you to hear that ol' Mitch would happily do all the actresses up for Oscars -- and many of the actors, as well.

I think the man in the video was Saddam, but I don't think the other guy on the news really was Ari Fleischer.

Why the hell can't they invent a spoon that's easy to use?

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