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Advice from Strangers
This week's guest:
Pepe Le Pew
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Dear Pepe,
I am completely head over heels in love with the receptionist in our office. However, being a lowly mailroom boy, I don't think I have a shot. What should I do? Underemployed in Utica Dear UIU, Ah, L'amour! She is ze most fickle of ze furies, n'est pas? Eet sounds like Cupid has shot you right through ze 'eart wis his arrow of infatuation. Perhaps ze direct approach, no? Stand up tall, walk up to her, take her in your arms, and say "Darling, ze light in your eyes calls to me like a moth to a flame. I cannot wizstand its siren-like beckoneeng any longair. Come wiz me. We shall go to ze Casbah togethair, and dance and make sweet, beautiful music togethair. X X X X X!" (zat is where you kiss her...I do not know how to write ze sound effects in English, so I resort to ze international language, ze language of Amour...X X X X X). I sink she will fall into your arms and be yours forevair! Bonne Chance! Pepe Dear Pepe, I have been pursuing the love of my life for months, and yet she keeps pushing me away. How do I get her to accept me? Lovelorn in Lubbock Dear LIL, Aha! Ze chase, she is on, n'est ce pas? Pepe has been through zis heemself, and he knows de game she ees playeeng. Do not give up, for zat shows weakness, and besides, your 'eart, eet will not listen. Keep after her, mon ami. Be where she is. When she turns around, be zere to smile at her. When she come home, be waiting wis roses and wine. Do not stop until she ees yours, mon ami. Follow my lead. After all, I am ze greatest lovair in all of Paris! Pepe Dear Pepe, This is notification that you have officially been served. This order of restraint indicates that you are to remain 100 meters away from the complainant at all times. Failure to comply will result in your immediate incarceration. Regards, LA County Sheriff's Office Dear LACSO, Sacré Bleu! Zis cairtainly makes my pursuit of ze fair damsel I mentioned much more deeficult. Zut! I must go now, to plan my furthair pursuit. You will be mine, mon cheri! You shall! And we will make sweet music togeethair! X X X X X! But my darleeng, how is it I must stay so far away from you, when in ze 'eavens, our souls are intertwined? Pepe |
(Transcribed by Greg Preece)
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or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission. |
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