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 Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto Sorority Boys Rating: 0 stars (out of 5) Every once in a while, I see advertising for a movie out of the phallic wonderland that is Hollywood and my curiosity is piqued. Such was the case when I saw the poster -- or one-sheet in film slang -- for the new "comedy," Sorority Boys. Imagine my disgust when I found out, shortly into the "film," that the three strong, attractive-looking (if overly made-up) wymyn who graced the poster were actually disgusting pig-men in disguise! A wave of nausea crept up from my stomach and threatened to render me pained and ill for the remaining 90 minutes! (It must have been the sight of the penis parade in front of me making me ill, as the eradication of butter in favour of "golden topping" on cinema popcorn has proven to be quite the relief on my lactose intolerance, but I digress.) The story, which strikes me as having been written by a penis rather than a pen, is nothing more than a testosterone-fuelled semen-machine that isn't so much Charley's Aunt as it is Charlie's Angels. Three morons dress up as wymyn after they are kicked out of their fraternity house. The filmmakers indulge in a transparent ploy to try and show us what wymyn go through, but miss the mark completely. The wymyn in their world seem obsessed with removing their beautiful body hair, not to mention the amount of time spent worrying about their body fat and penises. And there's cock-aplenty in this movie, sisters. Don't be fooled. From the supposed gag-swordfight using false penises (a metaphor if ever I've seen one!) right down to the poor womyn who is defiled in the shower by the presence of phallus, it's Johnson City from beginning to end. The womyn in the shower, by the way, is depicted as not knowing she is sharing her cleansing with a knuckle-dragging oaf, as her contact lenses have apparently gone missing. Like she wouldn't feel it poking her in the ribs. Even the presence of quasi-talented Canadian comic Harland Williams is squandered here. He's an altogether ugly man who makes a surprisingly fetching womyn. Rise up, dear sisters! Rise up and help me eradicate the world of such filth as Sorority Boys, especially when fine cinema such as the misunderstood French magnum opus Baise-moi goes ignored! I implore you! Confidential to J. Rice: I received your letter. Be advised if you come within 100 feet of me, I'll pepper-spray you back to the Stone Age. |
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