CURRENT ISSUE 04/01/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	God Strikes! Gaia, Vishnu Walk Out in Sympathy HEAVEN (DPI) - The Union of Divinity and Miracle Workers, Local 3:16, today announced a strike of the world's deities, to begin at sundown of the day after the next new moon. Citing demands for a shorter work week, competitive benefits, public recognition and compensation commensurate with job performance, Jehovah, father of Abraham, founder and eternal president of UDMW, ordered a total cessation of supplicant-satisfaction activities, thus putting an indefinite hold on all miracles until His demands are met. "What We want is the justified recognition of Our contributions to the human condition," said an obviously agitated Almighty. "When Ahmed al Salam Mohammed ibn Mahmoud begged for deliverance, did We not send a sandstorm to slow the American advance on Baghdad? Not only did he not thank Us, but the fool, may he rest in peace, did not even take advantage of the extra day we gave him to leave that forsaken city. When Benjamin Forsyth Adams, son of Nathaniel, prayed to lose his virginity before his 35th birthday, did We not send a stripper-gram on his 34th? But on Sunday, he left not a penny in the poor box. Our demands are not unreasonable! Humanity is unfair!" From there, the press conference deteriorated to shouts of "No more miracles!" and "Hmmmmm ... We can't hear you!" The Brotherhood of Lesser Deities is expected to vote on supporting action as soon as UDMW officially recognizes their existence. (Reported by Charles Gulledge)
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