God Strikes! Gaia, Vishnu Walk Out in Sympathy
HEAVEN (DPI) - The Union of Divinity and Miracle Workers, Local 3:16,
today announced a strike of the world's deities, to begin at sundown of
the day after the next new moon. Citing demands for a
shorter work week, competitive benefits, public recognition and
compensation commensurate with job performance, Jehovah, father of
Abraham, founder and eternal president of UDMW, ordered a total
cessation of supplicant-satisfaction activities, thus putting an
indefinite hold on all miracles until His demands are met.
"What We want is the justified recognition of Our contributions to the
human condition," said an obviously agitated Almighty. "When Ahmed
al Salam Mohammed ibn Mahmoud begged for deliverance, did We not send a
sandstorm to slow the American advance on Baghdad? Not only did he not
thank Us, but the fool, may he rest in peace, did not even take advantage of
the extra day we gave him to leave that forsaken city. When Benjamin
Forsyth Adams, son of Nathaniel, prayed to lose his virginity before his
35th birthday, did We not send a stripper-gram on his 34th? But on
Sunday, he left not a penny in the poor box. Our demands are not
unreasonable! Humanity is unfair!"
From there, the press conference deteriorated to shouts of
"No more miracles!" and "Hmmmmm ... We can't hear you!"
The Brotherhood of Lesser Deities is expected to vote on supporting
action as soon as UDMW officially recognizes their existence.
(Reported by Charles Gulledge)
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