CURRENT ISSUE 04/15/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Alaric Moth's Diary Movie Corner Musing with Mitch News from Travistan Riding Shotgun with Adventure Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Nothing I like comes in purple, and that suits ol' Mitch just fine. At a wedding reception, always try to French kiss the bride at the dollar dance. You might never get another opportunity. Kids these days don't seem to get as many enemas as they used to. For my money, that's not a good thing. When it comes to Scotch, make mine 80 proof. I enjoy sneezing as much as the next guy, but three in a row is my max. After that, it's just work. I have to admit, I wear those ribbed condoms inside out -- for MY pleasure. That Wayne Brady is the kind of black guy I feel comfortable with. Word to the wise: After you've wasted an entire weekend at Home Depot trying to decide between 600- and 800-grit sandpaper, just get the 800. Can't say I was all that surprised to discover more Wilmas than Bettys in my last batch of Flintstone vitamins. My '78 Ford Fairmont station wagon is all the SUV I'll ever need. Someone should invent a hemorrhoid cream that relieves the pain and itching, but doesn't affect the swelling. Why no one has yet cornered the market on circus peanuts is beyond me. If you can build a working refrigerator out of a Volkswagen, you're smarter than I am, that's for sure. The government's monopoly on fire hydrants has got to stop. I'm finally coming to grips with never getting to tie a bow in my hair. A manly bow, mind you.
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