CURRENT ISSUE 04/22/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Frank Haskins Musing with Mitch Moth's Diary Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Little Iraqi Cry-Baby Ruins Victory for Everyone BAGHDAD, Iraq (DPI) - Ali Ismaeel Abbas, the little Iraqi boy who lost both arms and most of his family in a missile attack, has become a symbol of ingratitude. "Kids," said President Bush. "They only think of themselves. 'My village is wiped out. My family is dead. My arms got blown off.' It's that kind of selfish thinking that almost prevented us from freeing that little twerp's ass in the first place." Many Americans are furious at the little ingrate's whining. "I wouldn't be surprised if it's all a hoax," said Eugene Fetters of Albany, Ga. "I been watching FOX News through the whole war -- well, at least when there weren't no fishin' shows on -- and we only used them smart bombs that blew up buildings but didn't hurt no people. It was on TV, so you know it's true." Even famous peace activists were disgusted at Ali's "me-ism." "What does he know about suffering?" said actress Susan Sarandon. "I was kept from showing the world how fabulous I still look at my age because Timmy's talk was canceled at the Hall of Fame. Let's see what the little creep thinks is important once his skin grafts are all done." When asked for comment at his hospital bedside, Ali just winced and begged people standing nearby to "please, scratch my nose." (Reported by Peter Bauer)
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