The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!


DATE 4/23/02

Front Page


Advice from Strangers

Ain't That America?

To-Do List:
The Detroit Tigers

Moth's Diary

News from

Movie Corner


Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Advice from Strangers

This week's guest:
That OxiClean Guy

Dear That OxiClean Guy,

I've recently started a new job, and the guy in the cubicle next to me apparently bathes in after-shave. The smell can get positively ripe. No one else seems to mind, but I don't know if I can take it. What do I do?

Fresh-Air Fan

Dear FAF,

I GOTTA TELL you something, I'm GLAD you asked that! Because our product is POWERED BY THE AIR YOU BREATHE, and if the air you breathe is polluted, it won't WORK! Maybe what you should do is spill COFFEE, spill PAINT, maybe even BLOOD or RED WINE STAINS on his chair! Explain to him that if the AIR was PURER, he'd be able to use OXICLEAN to lift those stains RIGHT OUT! Maybe he'll get the hint, and go EASY on the STINKWATER! And OxiClean has NO ODOR! If he wants to LIFT THOSE STAINS RIGHT OUT of his chair, he can get one of our 2.5-pound tubs at a SPECIAL LOW PRICE! CALL NOW!

That OxiClean Guy

Dear That OxiClean Guy,

It's spring, and that means my couch-potato husband is about to become fused to the sofa, watching baseball! How can I get him to pay a little less attention to the games and more attention to me?

Sports Widow

Dear SW,

SOMETIMES SOAKING IS THE SOLUTION! Head on down to the local lingerie shop and pick up a nice, sexy teddy, because MEN LOVE LINGERIE! And if you want to make sure it's looking EXTRA SEXY, try SOAKING it in a solution of WATER and OXICLEAN. It gets your WHITES WHITER! Your colors BRIGHTER! Your unmentionables will look SO CLEAN and ATTRACTIVE he won't be able to TAKE HIS EYES OFF YOU! And if he's as much of a couch potato as you say he is, maybe you could take advantage of his being OFF THE COUCH by SCRUBBING with OXICLEAN! Try one of our 6-POUND BUCKETS! It'll LAST YOU YEARS!

That OxiClean Guy

Dear That OxiClean Guy,

I've gone and spilled red wine all over my brand new white tablecloth! How do I get this stubborn stain out?

Clumsy in Cleveland

Dear CIC,

Try some club soda.

That OxiClean Guy

(Transcribed by Greg Preece)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.