CURRENT ISSUE 04/29/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List Riding Shotgun with Adventure Alaric Musing with Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Saturday 26th April This business with the Iraqis and the fallen statues gives me ideas. My western mind is ablaze with possibilities! Taliban, al-Qaeda, Hamas, Fedayeen, you name 'em, could all be sentenced with shoe-based punishments. Hijackers could be buried alive in mountainous slagheaps composed entirely of old shoes. Merely naughty terrorists would be made to live in a maximum security shoe. "Shock and awe" campaigns might begin with symbolic shoe-cannons. An enormous bomb made to look like the foot of the Statue of Liberty, filled with the disused and highly marinated tread of a million hippie sandals, could be dropped on a Friday night soccer match to serve notice of hostile intent and slight regard. Looters could be deterred with a simple loafer. If I can get Homeland Security to adopt some of these stances, the hope is that we can lower the terror alert color to cordovan.
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