CURRENT ISSUE DATE 4/30/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: The Pope Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us!	Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto   Jason X Rating: 5 stars (out of 5) Ever since entering the field of film review, I've been subjected to filth of the highest order, be it Pig men (Sorority Boys), Pig wymyn acting like men (The Sweetest Thing), Pig alien/monster men (Monsters Inc./ET/The Mothman Prophecies), I've had my eyes sullied like they've been bathed in so much man-batter. That's why I'm so thrilled to announce that, in Jason X, Hollywood has finally gotten it right! Sisters, this is the one we've been waiting for! Justification! The titular character, one Jason Voorhees, is the pure, physical embodiment of all men. He's a hulking, lurching, homicidal maniac cleaving people in half with his phallus of a machete, not caring about the blood left in his wake. This is exactly what I've been telling the young wymyn in my classes, and now the penis-parade that controls Hollywood has finally allowed the world to see what they are really all about, warts and all. (Jason is rather dermatologically challenged, from what we can see around that mask of his.) The story tells of an evil being that had plagued a summer camp for generations, only to be frozen in time when the earth became uninhabitable. Flash forward five hundred years and the lunatic is inadvertently brought aboard a spaceship, where he is set loose to wreak the havoc he is apparently infamous for. This - in artistic terms - represents the evil of man-kind's current domination coming back to destroy them. Jason's homicidal rampage is unapologetic, taking as his victims both pathetic, beer-swilling and phallus-forcing men and foolish girl-wymyn that choose the path of the penis over their estrogenal counterparts. This Jason character cuts a swath through a pantheon of humanity that, frankly, has it coming. Of course the ultimate denouement comes when this man-iac (Man. Maniac. Coincidence, sisters?) meets his ultimate undoing at the hands of a womyn! Lilith be praised, it's almost as if they've been reading my dream journal! Never before have the powers-that-be in the studios allowed stinking penis-wavers to be portrayed in such an honest and forthright fashion, and this one slip allows the enlightened wymyn of the world to see them for what they really are. Make no mistake, sisters, when you look at Jason, you're looking at all men. However, I did take certain joy in seeing Jason's vigilante-style justice exacted on lesser mouth-breathers and the whores that would dirty themselves by allowing a man's fetid semen-stick to touch their blessed life-canals. Now, I've been led to believe that this is actually the tenth film in an ongoing saga. I've never seen any of the rest of them, as my local wymyn's video store seems inexplicably not to carry them (something I intend to rectify, by Lilith!) so I've gone into this one blind, so to speak. Well no more! If I can get as much glee at seeing men massacred by the embodiment of their own evil, I think I may just have to lower myself to setting foot in a Blockbuster to rent the rest of the series.
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