CURRENT ISSUE DATE 5/7/02 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? To-Do List: The Tooth Fairy Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner Info Archives Who's to Blame? Crap Shop Contact Us!	Advice from Strangers This week's guest: CATS From Zero Wing Dear CATS, Ever since I installed WinME, my computer's speaker volume settings don't seem to stay at one level. How can I keep my volume steady between applications? Blasted in Boston DEAR BLASTED: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !! MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. OPEN CONTROL PANEL, GO "SOUNDS AND MULTIMEDIA." WHAT YOU SAY !! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING. YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION. GET APPLE IIE. CATS Dear CATS, My neighbors are driving me nuts! Banging on the walls, laughing loudly, and playing bad video games at all hours of the night. I've complained to the building manager, but the noise continues. What do I do? Weary in Walnut Creek, CA Dear WEARY, HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !! MOVE "ZIG." NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS GET SIGNAL. MOVE "ZIG." TO FRONT DOOR. FOR GREAT JUSTICE. IF NOISE CONTINUES LAUNCH EVERY "ZIG." HA HA HA HA !! CATS Dear CATS, All your base are belong to us! Yeah! Fan in Fairview, IL Dear FAN, WHAT YOU SAY !! GET LIFE. CATS (Transcribed by Travis Ruetenik)
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