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 Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto Spider-Man Rating: 0 stars (out of 5) As much as I despised this latest cock-wallop of a film from the phallus-factory that is Hollywood, I do appreciate the fact that it was made after 10 years of stalling. As despicable as it is, it does allow me to vent on two of my least favourite topics: movies and comic books. First, my review. It's abhorrent. It's a travesty. It's pathetic. But that much was evident to any self-respecting womyn the moment she first saw red-headed whore Kirsten Dunst in her wet tank top, "headlights" on for the pleasure of masturbating adolescents everywhere. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the plot. Good "Man" beats Bad "Man" and rescues said pneumatic male fuck-toy. We saw it in Bat "Man", we saw it in Super "Man," and we'll see it again in countless more now that the genre has seen a revitalization. At least the forthcoming "Hulk" movie will portray men as the destructive lunatics they all are. Then again, so does professional wrestling. And herein lies my personally sensitive subject: Comic books. There has never been an art form that has so trivialized the role of the noble womyn and replaced her with Barbie-riffic stereotypes meant only to enthrall the already underused hormones of comic book fans everywhere. It's not just Spider-"Man." Take a look at how many of these four-colour travesties throw about the fact that they have tallywhackers. Other than the above, there's Sandman, Aquaman, Wonder Man, Hawkman, Plasticman, Mister Fantastic. The list of penile vigilantes goes on. There are almost no true wymyn in this medium. The only truly admirable sisters are either out of print (Spider-Woman, She-Hulk) or dead (Electra, Phoenix - who was "resurrected" to be a shadow of her former self and in servitude to a man - or the black womyn who inherited the mantle of Captain Marvel) or stereotypical. Take the Invisible Girl: Best not to see a strong womyn, isn't that right? Or the so-called Scarlet Witch. Not only do they name her to evoke images of Salem, but they add insult to injury by calling attention to her menses as well. More than a few faculty members have referred to me as a Scarlet Witch in my day, usually on certain days of the month, no less. And this barely scratches the surface! I won't even bring up such lesser wymyn as Witchblade, Vampirella, Danger Girl, and those sluttish whores Betty and Veronica. |
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