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5/13/03 Front Page Features Advice from Strangers To-Do List Ain't That America? Alaric the Visigoth Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch News from Travistan Movie Corner Riding Shotgun With Adventure Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
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Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty! 
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Advice from Strangers
This week's guest:
Writer/Director Michael Moore
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Dear Michael,
My family has been fighting for weeks over money. I just can't get anyone to understand that we can't spend money for no real reason during these hard economic times. What can I do? Broke in Buffalo Dear Broke, Coming from a small, poor town like Flint where almost half of the children live below the poverty line, I know that spending money wildly is something we all must learn to control. One person that hasn't learned that lesson seems to be President Bush, who spends more than $80 billion of our tax dollars to fight a fictitious war with fictitious funds for fictitious reasons! Shame on you, Mr. Bush! Shame on you! Michael Dear Mr. Moore, I've decided to ask out this woman I met online. She's very pretty but I'm no prize. Any advice? Nervous in Nevada Dear Nervous, I'm not exactly Rock Hudson either, so my advice to you is LIE. Lie like crazy. Lie like President Bush did about his relationship with then-Enron CEO Kenneth Lay after he let him pick members of his current energy cabinet. Lie like Bush did about the time in 1987 when he was seen teaching his daughters how to play "Hi Bob" with a bottle of Bacardi. Lie about your salary -- triple it at least. And don't forget your extremely wealthy favorite uncle. Yes my friend, shame on you if you tell the truth. Michael Dear Michael, Weren't you in that crappy John Travolta flick, Lucky Numbers? I Swear I Saw You in Illinois Dear "I Swear," LIES! ALL LIES PERPETRATED BY THE BUSH PROPAGANDA MACHINE!! Michael |
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