ATLANTA (DPI) -- Alaric the Visigoth continued his review of the early candidates for the Democratic presidential nomination, focusing this time on the various women who have declared their candidacy or are rumored to be seeking nomination as the first female candidate from a major party. Former Congresswoman Carol Moseley Braun is officially running, while rumors still swirl around the non-candidacies of Sen. Dianne Feinstein and, especially, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton. The fifth-century sacker of Rome was more sanguine about these women than about the male candidates, whom he dismissed as "unworthy."

A female presidential candidate has some advantages over male candidates. "An Amazon queen must inspire fear, as must any barbarian warlord," Alaric opined. "But she may also fire men's blood lust with a tingling in the groin, if she be fair of face and hard enough of heart." Alaric expressed reservations that the current contenders could capitalize on this advantage. "These three Democratic Amazons can chill even a hardened warrior's blood, to be sure, but, it must be said, only a man under a powerful spell would desire their beds. So they must rely on fear."

Carol Moseley Braun: "She seemed cunning and strong when she slaughtered her way into Congress, but has proven less cunning in binding warriors to her. She has yet to learn that a true Democratic barbarian gains glory and plunder by piling Republican heads before his tent, not in paying visits to weak foreign leaders. She inspires little fear in the wise. She can be safely ignored."

Dianne Feinstein: On Feinstein, who has disclaimed any interest in the 2004 nomination, Alaric said, "Feinstein the Cunning's counsel is to be reckoned with, and few who would slight her lands ever escape unbloodied -- indeed, a worthy warrior. Whoever wins the kingship of the horde would do well to seek her as an ally. But, apart from the lords in California and perhaps a few underlings in Washington's swamps, few warriors will follow her into battle. If she dreams of leading the horde, she will be disappointed."

Finally, the great Visigoth warlord turned his attention to everyone's leading non-candidate.

Hillary Clinton:: "Hillary the Cold inspires much fear -- only the manhood of the great Clinton the Pasty could endure her in the wedding tent -- and those who follow her are a shrill, remorseless swarm that only the sharp edge of a sword can deter. In her cunning, she says she does not desire to lead the horde into bloody battle. A wise barbarian concludes nothing from this -- we have heard such pronouncements from others, even the mighty Clinton the Dissembler himself -- only to have them slaughter their way to great glory before their words have yet cooled. Hillary bides her time. Only Taash knows her deep-revolving heart."