CURRENT ISSUE 5/13/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers To-Do List Ain't That America? Alaric the Visigoth Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch News from Travistan Movie Corner Riding Shotgun With Adventure Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto    Daddy Day Care Rating: 0 stars (out of 5) Greetings and salutations, sisters! My self-imposed SARS quarantine is, regrettably, over, so it's back to the campus to try to undo some of the damage my replacement teachers did to the mindset of my students. Not that I regret it for a moment; I've been trying to get someone to cough on me so I can quarantine myself again, but so far I've been unsuccessful. The worst part of being out of quarantine is that I had to attend another one of these wretched films. Daddy Day Care made me wish that I actually HAD SARS, and was in intensive care, fighting for my life while on a respirator. Eddie Murphy hasn't made anyone laugh since he got caught with that transvestite prostitute, and this movie continues that proud tradition. The ridiculous premise is that Murphy gets fired from his job after failing to properly market a vegetable-based breakfast cereal (How could you go wrong?? I'd buy that!) and has to stay home and look after his child. Oh, boo hoo, Mr. Hunter-Gatherer-Penis-Polisher. You have to do what wymyn have been forced to do for hundreds of years! Anyway, he decides to open a day-care centre to rival the more expensive, womyn-run centre nearby. Of course ... just like a typical male ... even when forced to do traditionally "womyn's" work, they have to try to destroy other wymyn in their cock-waving, competitive desire to win the gender war. This movie fails on two major levels. First, men cannot nurture children. I know several sisters in the La Leche League that will point out that Murphy's lack of nutrient-producing breasts is a detriment to the 5-year-old children in his charge, so he's actually endangering their physical and emotional welfare (and that's before he fills their impressionable minds with a desire to hunt, kill, and dominate wymyn, which the filmmakers elected not to show even though they all do it.) Secondly, and more importantly, they take students from the OTHER day care centre where the children are well-behaved and educated, and put them in their own, where they are fed sugar all day and run around like drunken midgets. I'm well aware that ADD isn't fatal, but by the end of Daddy Day Care you'll wish it was. Once again, sisters, you have been WARNED!
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