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5/13/03

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	News from Travistan The Daily Probe Reports from the Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistan to Appoint Wacky Info Minister

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - Citing the increasing need to make the apartment-nation's views known to the media and public, President Travis of Travistan announced the establishment of a wacky-minister-of-information position in the country within a few weeks. "I at first thought about getting a parrot, but I didn't feel like dealing with the mess," said the self-appointed dictator and president-for-life. "Besides, those things are expensive." Sources within the government report that the selection committee is deciding between two candidates: Presidential Drinking Buddy Ken Wong, who "does a mean impression of that Iraqi guy," and a Magic 8-ball. "I'm not sure they sell those things anymore," questioned Travis, whose original hope for a cymbal-clanging electric toy monkey was shot down because of the baby's nap times.

In the meantime, the position of information minister is to be filled by Interim Spokesman President Travis, who is said to be seeing how much a beret would cost. As the first official duty of the post, Travis declared Chee-tos "good for opening up the blood vessels" and the nation-state's carpets "gloriously free of lint, dust and doggy-stains from infidel oppressors."

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)