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Catholic Church Begins "Incident-Awareness Safety Program"
ROME (DPI) - Beleaguered Roman Catholic leaders today unveiled a new program designed to raise priest awareness about the impact that isolated incidents of sexual abuse of minors can have on the victim and on the church itself. The program was instituted after much resistance by the U.S. delegation of the Catholic Church and it was finally implemented as a result of a congressional order.

Sen. Barbara Mikulksi (D-MD) presents the
congressional order requiring OSHA training
for Catholic Clergy to Pope John Paul II.

Sponsored by Sen. Barbara Mikulksi (D-MD), the order required the U.S. Catholic Conference of Bishops to create a "worker training program'" under OSHA guidelines to raise organizational awareness of the impact of pederasty on the victims, society and worker morale. "Today, we can finally quantify the time that passes between each unfortunate incident," said Bishop Wilton D. Gregory, head of the conference. "By instituting an incentive program for bishops and other clergy that pays bonuses for each month that passes incident-free in their region, we can finally quantify for the public the safety record of our clergy." Other OSHA regulations imposed by congressional order on the formerly exempt world religion include worker disclosure of the possible harmful effects of drinking sacramental wine as part of work assignments and the risk assessments for temporary and permanent damage to kneecaps due to mandatory kneeling.

St. John's Parish in Las Cruces, NM
with new OSHA-mandated signage.

(Reported by Ross Brown)

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