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Advice from Strangers
This week's guest:
Jedi Master Yoda
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Dear Master Yoda:
I have a huge crush on a girl in my biology class, and I think she might like me. We don't normally hang out together or anything, because she's a cheerleader and stuff, but she's been asking me for a lot of help with assignments, and she's always smiling when she asks me. Think I should ask her out? Padawan in Pasadena Dear PIP: Hmmm. In this young one I sense much loneliness. Desperation, I feel. Projecting unrealistic expectations, you are. Years ago, the Dark Lords of the Sith, a name for you they had -- geek. This girl, popular she is? Beautiful she is? And you, young Padawan, gangly and awkward like Binks, you are. A grip you must get. Punch your weight, you must. Otherwise setting yourself up for embarrassment you surely are. Yoda Dear Master Yoda: A few weeks ago, I received a sizable performance bonus from work. Now I don 't know exactly what to spend it on. I figure I could put a down payment on a new 'Vette or something -- or maybe take a radical vacation or buy one of those Segways. What do you think? Jazzed In San Diego Dear JISD: Vehicle. Hmph. Travel. Hmph. A Jedi craves not these things. Much evil in the universe there is. So much poverty. So much disease. People suffer, they do. Your gift, a long way it could go. Evil it could fight. Comfort it could give. Nice dinner on Yavin for cuddly 800-year-old Master it could buy. Lessons on using the Force I could give you -- cheap they would be! But a Segway do not buy. A dork they will call you. Heed this warning. On a Segway, look like a tool, you will! Yoda Dear Master Yoda: Did anyone ever tell you that you sound just like Fozzie Bear? Darth Statler Dear DS: A smartass, nobody likes. Yoda |
(Transcribed by Greg Preece)
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or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission. |
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