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CURRENT ISSUE Week of May 23-27, 2005 Monday Wednesday Friday Previous Issues Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
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Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty! 
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Mary Poppins No Longer Practically Perfect The child-care industry was rocked today with the announcement that icon Mary Poppins has been arrested on criminal charges. Poppins, who raised generations of upperclass English children, was charged with criminal acts that include encouraging a child to take sugar with his diabetes medicine, exposing several children to dangerous street people and practicing sorcery. Past clients have rushed to her defense. "I don't believe a word of it," said Lord Edgefield, who grew up under the watchful eye of Miss Poppins in the early 1970s. "One expects this sort of thing with au pairs, certainly, but nannies and governesses tend to be above this sort of thing." Sir George Banks, whose children were raised by Poppins in the early 1960s, defended her unreservedly. "The Black Arts are oftentimes necessary in controlling children. I was never all that fond of mine, but I'm quite sure she left us with as many children as we had when she arrived, and that's rather the entire point, isn't it?" (Reported by Ronald J. Bottomly) |
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 Bush Says Zarqawi Against Social Security Reform Picture Of Rumsfeld in Shorts Fails to Boost Circulation French Open: Agassi Out on His Smooth, Well-Toned Ass Newsweek Retracts Positive "Gigli" DVD Review Stella Misplaces Groove Again 
Bill Frist vs. Harry Reid Why We Should Keep the Filibuster
Why should we keep the filibuster? This is a simple question, with a simple answer, rooted deep in the heart of our democracy; it is even rooted in our popular culture – why, I saw a comic strip just this weekend, one with this oddly shaped bird – a sort of penguin, one would assume, from the looks of the misshapen fellow – which played on the very topic I discuss today, mistaking the origins of the word "filibuster" to come from "filly buster" or the breaking down of a young horse, which, of course makes sense to an untrained ear, one who may believe that the filibuster is used like a cowboy riding as long as he can to break the majority of the unjust legislation, and in this case, unjust judicial appointments thrust upon the minority, and by minority I mean those who find themselves out of the majority, of course, like us Democrats, but it has nothing to do with that at all, that horse-riding business, I mean; it is a just tool, except in the cases when it was unjustly used – one thinks of a certain Strom Thurmond, who went on and on to stop certain civil rights legislation, bleating on about the good of the country – his words, not mine – when it was just that old Thurmond wanted to keep the prettier African-Americans out of sight to keep all to himself – you did read about him and ... well of course you did ... and of course I joke, so please Reverend Jackson, Jesse, please, I can do without your visit or the haranguing in the press, being as I am on your side and have voted for your interests, and, besides, your hands are full with spew-talking Mexican leaders – man that was something, wasn't it – with all that negative talk from someone who should know better; but let me wrap this up by saying first it will be the filibuster the Republicans take from us, and soon it will be other forms of free speech, because don't let anyone fool you, it's not about rules, it's about free speech, and radical judges as well, mind you, and then where will we be, you ask? I'll tell you, speechless in the face of activist judges, that's where! Why We Should Get Rid of the Filibuster
What do you mean, he took all my space? Bastard! (Transcribed by Davejames) |
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or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission. |
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