|
|
05/27/03 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List News from Travistan Musing with Mitch Moth's Diary Globetrotting with Push Riding Shotgun with Adventure Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! |
|
Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty! 
|
|
Globetrotting with Push With your host, Raji "Push" Pushparajah |
|
|
5/25/03 - Barbados Further inland, you will find towns of weathered but neat concrete homes, open air churches and rum shops coexisting peacefully amoung the vast and vibrant fields of plantain and sugar cane. I urge all who come to treat themselves, as I did, to an afternoon in the charge of one of Barbados' many skilled and fearless taxi drivers. It is truly exhilarating to see how they navigate the narrow roads at such breathtaking speeds, while handily avoiding all manner of people, livestock and opposing traffic without the aid of signal lights or brakes. Of course, what has made Barbados famous, aside from its exceedingly generous international tax laws, are the world-class resorts, fine cuisine and pristine beaches. The bustling capital of Bridgetown offers non-stop partying and shopping for the young and young at heart. I, however, chose the more tranquil, all-inclusive experience of historic Speightstown, in the northwestern parish of St. Peter. I had never tried snorkeling, but Clement, our watersports director, dismissed my concerns with a smile and a hearty, "No worries gully-boar." as he tossed me a mask and flippers. Minutes later, I find myself drifting weightless through warm, sun-dappled water as countless varieties of tropical fish dive and dart through the reef in a symphonic cacophony of color. Imagining myself a care-free merfolk, I playfully spun onto my back so that I may treat myself to the once-in -a-lifetime sight of the brilliant Caribbean sun sparkling through the water several feet above. This near-religious experience was interrupted only when I drifted, belly up, into the tentacles of one of the area's indigenous Man-O-War jellyfish. In a most unfortunate twist of fate, it immediately became apparent that the fabric of my racing Speedo, while vibrant and undeniably sassy, provided woefully inadequate protection from the creature's infamous "blue tentacle" and the venom contained therein. Molten waves of pain grew in my belly, upper thighs and privates as I thrashed toward the beach. At that moment, I recalled a fascinating episode of "Friends" which had made clear the best treatment for my malady was the topical application of human urine. As luck would have it, three couples of fit and strikingly attractive 30-somethings were reclined nearby, enjoying the languorous Bajan afternoon. In the fog of my torment, I stripped off the Speedo as I stumbled towards the vacationers while screaming what I must admit now was perhaps mostly incoherent. Hopping up and down in a most wild fashion, pointing to my naked, enflamed front, I implored someone in the crowd to step forward and do what had to be done. The men in the group must have misunderstood me for as one protectively threw his muscled body between me and the ladies, the other two set upon me with quite some vigour. I soon discovered that an exquisitely constructed solid teak folding beach chair, standard issue at many of the better resorts in the area, is capable of delivering a most debilitating blow when swung round-house style in the direction of one's head. Once on the ground, I remember little more than the sight of well-tanned feet sporting the latest Rockport sandals as they delivered exuberant soccer-style kicks to some of the more vulnerable parts of my body. Some time later, I revel in the scent of hibiscus as it wafts through the open windows of one of the island's many state of the art, government-run Polyclinics. As the attentive physician removes tiny splinters of teak from by scalp, an attendant is gently taping my ribs. While it hurts to speak, I am able to explain the circumstances that brought me into their gentle company. "Ah yes. The 'Friends' episode", says the doctor in a warm Bajan lilt while shaking his head. |