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05/27/03

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	News From Travistan The Daily Probe Reports from the Sovereign Apartment Nation of Travistan

Travistani Health Ministry Completes CPR Class

TRAVAMABAD (DPI) - The government of Travistan took broad steps this week toward establishing the apartment-nation as a major international center for medical research after Dictator and President-for-Life Travis completed a two-hour course on infant CPR at the Moanalua Medical Center. "You kind of got to push on the dummy's chest harder than you'd think," said a beaming President Travis, enjoying a beer during the opening of the St. Travis Medical Mission Hospital in the kitchen. "And you have to go 'one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand' between puffs." The highlight of the course, according to the exalted self-declared leader, was when the instructor and the four other people in the class started speculating on how far a penny would shoot from the throat of the 7-year-old "Timmy" mannequin if someone were to give it a real good Heimlich maneuver.

The 82-page Lifesaving for the Layman booklet, along with the used and slightly humid plastic breathing sheet assigned to the country, are to be the latest entries in the Travistani Medical School library, which currently comprises Mrs. Travis' copy of Body for Life.

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)