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 Daily Probe Movie Review by J.J. Krueger Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones What's up, kids? Today's movie review is Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones, the new movie starring Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman and directed by George Lucas, who as far as I'm concerned is the greatest fucking director ever, man. Me and my roommate Dobie didn't make it in for the midnight show, too, which was a total big deal since we were in line for 10 days, no shit. They started hassling us and said we totally stunk bad and that several people like complained, so we both got super, super pissed. Dobie was calling them "fascists" and I like threatened to piss all over the doors and everything. They were gonna call security but by then we were screaming at like the top of our lungs and the manager got super nervous because there were people everywhere, man. So long story short, we got two passes each for the movie for the next day and the manager gave us a $20 to find a motel with "a good shower." It sucked bad but we like got to see it twice the next day, which was fucking cool. After a ten-day wait in line for a movie, a super hot shower and like a chiropractor visit, I totally learned something -- it's way easier to do a movie review if you've like actually seen the movie. I totally gotta try that more often, man. Anyhow, I don't have to tell you kids what Episode II is about unless you've been like living under a fucking rock for the last ten years or so. I totally can't tell you anything about it, but oh man it's a fucking great movie. George Lucas totally made up for that shitty Episode I dumbass kids' flick. Episode II is fucking packed though, totally. I totally liked it so much I was even nice all week to Karen, the total bitch I work for at Big Burger. She was super pissed that I got to go camp out because I like "went over her head" after she told me I couldn't go, but I like totally didn't care. We've almost been like getting along lately, which is fucking twisted. I got a weird feeling it won't last though cause she's such a fucking bitch, but there you totally go. Weirder things have totally happened I guess, like the "Taco Bell Express" (like you needed it any fucking faster?) and Andrew W.K. Episode II fucking kicks total fucking ass. Go see it right now, kids -- totally quit your jobs if you have to. I give it a million J's out of a possible million J's. So till next time, see you kids at the flix. Confidential to Rich H., Dickheadsville USA: This is totally you -- DUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! |
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