CURRENT ISSUE 6/3/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice from Strangers Ain't That America? Frank Haskins Musing with Mitch Moth's Diary News from Travistan Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   You might think having webbed feet would be a handicap, but I get around just fine, thank you very much. If you ever want to see some real women, the WNBA is for you, pal. This whole triple-blade razor thing sickens me to the point where I can't even get out of bed some days. I had the dream again the other day with Connie Francis, the Cheez Whiz and the Saran-Wrapped topiary. You know the one. If you're looking to get on Mitch's good side, try a potpourri basket and a plate of nachos, amigo. You can keep your fancy candy -- nothing satisfies my sweet tooth like a big spoonful of blackstrap molasses. I miss the good old days of sitting in the theater and masturbating to Natalie Wood on the big screen. With movie musicals making a come back, I think Liza needs to pull that face up just one more glorious time. For my money, nothing beats an afternoon at the ballpark with a biker chick and a fifth of Wild Turkey. If America approached Iraq the same way my barber approaches my hair, we'd have that place tidied up lickety-split. Odors, schmodors. Ol' Mitch once spent three weeks in a sealed cardboard box with a newly-dead lemur and his angry buddy. Idea! Somebody should invent a place where you can take women to ply them with liquor. Maybe even offer some after-work discounts. Why on earth would I want to stop the ringing in my ears? Answer that, Mr. Spammer, and maybe I'll take you up on the offer. "-imas" that make me cry when I think about them: Iwo Jima, Hiroshima, Citrus Zima Handy food tip: Summer sausage is pretty darned good in winter, too.
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