The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!






CURRENT ISSUE


6/3/03

Front Page

Weekly
Features

Advice from Strangers

Ain't That America?

Frank Haskins

Musing with Mitch

Moth's Diary

News from
Travistan


Info

Archives
Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!



Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!




Murder Defendant Works Out to Get Fit to Stand Trial


JACKSON, Mich. (DPI) - Charlie "Boo-Boo" Mellon, 37, accused in the murders of as many as 16 young women in three Midwestern states, has been exercising diligently in hopes of being declared fit to stand trial, his lawyer said. "Charlie is in good spirits, eating well and off suicide watch now," said public defender Albert Chen. "He's spending as much as three hours a day working off excess pounds in preparation for what he expects to be a fun trial."

Mellon, whose brutal attacks left such grisly crime scenes that coroners nicknamed him "Charlie Face-Eater," said he got out of shape because of his appetite. "You'd be surprised how fattening warding off the devil-creatures can be," he said. "My tris and delts are in pretty good shape from all the sawing, but I really need to take care of this paunch. I've been getting a real brain-belly."

Chen said that should Mellon be declared fit to face a jury and a possible death penalty, his client has offered to "help keep the bat-monsters from grabbing the jury's souls with his laser karate kick and biting."

(Reported by Travis Ruetenik)



The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.