CURRENT ISSUE 6/4/02 Front Page Weekly Features Movie Corner To-Do List: Robert Mueller Moth's Diary News from Travistan Advice from Strangers Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us!	Probe Cinema Interview by J.J. Krueger   J.J. interviews Robin Williams J.J. Kruger: Hey, dude. Thanks totally for taking the time to speak to us, man. Robin Williams: Oh, my God, no problem at all, my friend, what with your Daily Probe -- it's like aliens screaming, "Heeeelooooooo you little earthlings, time for your daily proooooobe!" and the people far away on the ground all looking like little ants, like tiny little ants and they're building tiny little mounds with tiny little chunks of dirt that look like Volvos and the smoke and the stench and the, "My God, we're all ants here, building our little ant-mounds, ant-mounds everywhere and not a drop to drink" and we're all like, "Hey, now, we can't have these mounds everywhere -- where will we park our SUVs?" and the crashing and thunder, it's like Elvis coming out of the sky singing "Suspicious Minds" at 135 decibels and everyone is clapping and yelling, "Hey Elvis, do In the Ghetto!" and you're sick of all the steak everyone's been serving you at barbecues all weekend and end up walking the streets all night, asking everyone you meet for a prune danish and a Red Bull, because you've been up for three days because when you sleep, that's where they get you, when you're not looking all of a sudden there's three little gray men with big bug eyes looking at you like they've never seen a nipple before, I mean my God, how long can it all go on you know, going out and coming in, going out and coming in and at the end of the day you're all like, "Ah just want me a good hot shower and a prostitute," and your wife is screaming, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh knew it, asshole, you didn't have a headache," and you scream back, "Look, I work for a living, you bloodless harpy!" and she throws the nearest book at you she can find, which unfortunately is a terribly weathered copy of the Tao te Ching and it's only 40 pages long so it bounces off you like a ping-pong ball and you leave and hit the bowling alley where your buddy Vern works and Vern's all like, "You really should buy a new TV, I mean they got 'em like 1500 inches wide these days!" but you're sick of all the shows you're watching because they haven't had anything new to say since Steve Allen was walking the streets asking everyone to take off their pants and insult Jerry Lee Lewis, I mean my God, have we all come that far that being bitter is so passe that we'd all prefer to walk up to each other and say, "Hey there, friend -- I really dig that shirt you got there" instead of saying what you really think, which is, "I got this video game at home where I can..." DP: Hey, man, shut the fuck up. RW: Oh, you got it. No problemo. Did I tell you about... DP: No. Seriously, man, just shut the fuck up. RW: Not at all.
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