CURRENT ISSUE 06/10/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Globetrotting With Push Moth's Diary Musing With Mitch Riding Shotgun With Adventure Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Musing With Mitch   by Mitchell Kobriger   Nothin' says barbecue season like Canadian beef on the grill and Iron Butterfly on the hi-fi. In Mitch's perfect world, Reese Witherspoon would have been president instead of Franklin Roosevelt. I'd use condoms a whole lot more often if they were fur-lined. Maybe it's just me, but that Wolf Blitzer guy on the TV seems like he's up to no good. Last night's chili cheese dog just won't stop issuing those all-points bulletins, if you know what I mean. Keep the government out of my bedroom. Lord knows, it's unpleasant enough in there as it is. Idea! They should give everyone a metal hook to grab that subway hand-strap with. Things I respect: Good, honest political debate, Bob Vila, fresh-squeezed orange juice, my barber. I keep telling myself I'm not going to look at my crap before I flush it, but heaven help me, I just can't avoid it. So what was the verdict on that Teletubby? Straight or gay? What do I want for Father's Day? I want you to shut your yap and leave ol' Mitch alone! I don't know what the secret ingredient in RoundUp is, but in this house, athlete's foot is a thing of the past . For my money, unless they've got paint and grease all over them, khaki pants are for girly-men. Let's settle this now: The environment is plenty clean enough around here, Mr. Tree-Hugging Looney. I've had my new Internet connection for a couple of weeks now. So, where's all this porn everyone's talking about?
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