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06/24/03

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Sherpa Climbs Everest for 50th Fucking Time


KATHMANDU, Nepal (DPI) - In a press conference this week, the World Sherpa Organization was pleased to award one of its members with a distinctive wristwatch marking his 50th ascent of Mt. Everest. "Oh, a wristwatch. Thank you so much," said the sherpa, known only as Pasang. "I help these assholes climb this fucking mountain every other fucking week, and you give me a watch. 'Oh, did you know I climbed Everest?' this asshole gets to ask his fucking moron friends every fucking time he goes to the bar, and I climb the fucker 50 times and you give me a fucking watch. Thanks a whole fuck of a lot. Some baseball fucker in Texas hits his 500th home run and he's knee-deep in cooze and Viagra, and you give me a fucking watch. Well, now, fuck."

Pasang fingered the watch as he continued. "Think I'm going to carry their empty cans and their frozen shit down the fucking mountain anymore?" he said. "No fucking way -- I might get my new watch dirty. In fact, the next time one of those fuckers gets lightheaded in the Death Zone, instead of calming him down and giving him a shot of air, I'm just going to ask him what he thinks of my new fucking watch. 'Ain't it nice, you no-lunged bozo?' I'll ask the fucker, then I'll show him how I adjust the fucking date."

Asked to explain his outburst, Pasang replied simply. "Go fuck yourselves," he said. "I've got a group of southern California frat boys to take up tomorrow, so I've got to go see my bookie."


(Reported by Mark Niebuhr)



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