CURRENT ISSUE 07/01/03 Front Page Weekly Features Advice From Strangers Ain't That America? Riding Shotgun With Adventure Alaric Musing With Mitch Moth's Diary Info Archives Crap Shop Who's at Fault? Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Parents Think Child May Be Most Intelligent Human that Ever Lived LONDON (DPI) - Paul and Lisa Cooper, parents to 3-year-old Kylie, are convinced that their daughter may be the most intelligent human yet born. "You could tell she was thinking things when she was looking at you, even when only a few months old," said proud father Paul. "And then when she said her first word a full six weeks earlier than the baby books said she would, we were astounded and realised that she was exceptionally gifted." Mother Lisa was constantly surprised by the rate of development of her child and would usually have something new to report to her husband on his return from work. "When she began walking a full three weeks earlier than expected, we were amazed," she said. "She seemed determined to see it through because she would fall down, then get straight up again." This steely determination has marked little Kylie's progress throughout her young life. "She could identify different animals and make the sound they make by the time she was 2 and a half, while most of her peers would just make random mooing noises regardless of the animal picture before them," said the young mother. "She also has a well-developed appreciation of music, and not just modern stuff. She'll dance to anything, whether it's Pinky and Perky, the Tweenies or Vivaldi and Beethoven." The Coopers, who have been keeping agog friends and family members abreast of every single development in the life of their child, now contend they are falling victim to intellectual jealousy. "We don't get invited to parties so much now, and the flood of phone calls in the weeks after her birth has dried to a trickle," said Paul. "We have become resigned to the fact that Kylie may have to face envy and jealousy of her abilities throughout her life, but we believe she has the gifts to allow her to overcome any adversity." In a particularly unpleasant development, the website Paul set up to update work colleagues on his daughter's accomplishments has recently been hacked and hyperlinks added taking surfers to a number of supposedly satirical websites or companies selling tablets that guarantee "extra inches." (Reported by Alex Prior)
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