The Top 5 List The Daily Probe Ruminations Save Martha Stewart!



Front Page


Advice From Strangers

Ain't That America?

Riding Shotgun With Adventure


Musing With Mitch

Moth's Diary


Crap Shop
Who's at Fault?
Contact Us!

Aye, mateys!
Get you some
Daily Probe booty!

Tiger Woods Also Far Better Than You at Sex

WINTER HAVEN, Fla. (DPI) - Phenom Tiger Woods, at age 27 already the best golfer in the world, is also much, MUCH better than you at sex. No contest, friend. His father, Earl Woods, prepared his son from an early age to excel at golf. It was just a pleasant side effect that the young man decided to apply the same physical and mental prowess to the art of pleasuring a woman. It's not really a big surprise that his money, good looks, athletic body, and caring attitude enable him to far surpass your own brutish, to put it kindly, fumbling.

You probably wonder if the gulf between his and your sexual prowess can be quantified. Sure it can. Just sit back and listen. Tiger's first Masters victory was by 12 strokes, with a score of 18 under par. The rest of the field was left gasping in his wake. Now picture that same Tiger Woods bringing a flawless Nordic blonde to three different kinds of orgasm in the space of two hours. One hard screaming orgasm to start off, then a tender one, then one where she's riding him with furious hair-whipping abandon while he grins his Buick-ad grin. Quick, now, also picture the last time YOU came to bed without bathing and rubbed your woman's dry sex parts with your fingers until she faked a quiver just to keep you from drawing blood, then she let you hump her for your dirty pleasure so she could finally get back to sleep.

In the foregoing scenario, Tiger's virtuoso lovemaking is to your pathetic gouging as his 12-stroke Masters victory was to the performance of the last-place finisher. This knowledge might inspire you to work to improve your technique, but you should not expect to ever display one-hundredth of the erotic skill of Mr. Tiger Woods.

(Reported by Steve Meckleburg)

The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday
or whenever we damn well feel like it.

Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved
No use allowed without prior permission.