CURRENT ISSUE 7/2/02 Front Page Weekly Features Ain't That America? To-Do List: Scooby-Doo Moth's Diary News from Travistan Movie Corner New Feature! Globetrotting with Push Info Archives Crap Shop About The Probe Contact Us! Aye, mateys! Get you some Daily Probe booty!	Daily Probe Movie Review by Alice Higgins Professor of Wymyn's Studies University of Toronto   Mr. Deeds Rating: 0 stars (out of 5) How is it that the most stress-free part of my life is writing film reviews for this wretched publication, where my only colleagues of note are a mullet-headed fry cook, an effeminate pseudo-intellectual, and a fossilized socialite? I must have been a man in my past life for Lilith to test my resolve like this week after week. With my upcoming legal and moral battles against the so-called Supreme Court of Canada weighing heavily on my mind, one might think that a good laugh would be just what the homeopath ordered. With that in mind, I dared hold out some hope that the new Adam Sandler bowlwinder, Mr. Deeds, would elicit at least some chuckling from me. I should have known better. Sandler, who is proof than men should not be allowed to breed at their own discretion, stars as the titular Deeds, a violent sociopath who charms the unwitting denizens of his small hometown into believing that he's a goofy pizza shop owner. This changes when a rich white man dies and -- rather than bequeathing his $40-billion fortune to various needy charities such as Greenpeace, the United Negro College Fund, or GLAAD -- he decides to not even bother with a will, leaving the entire fortune to Sandler as his only surviving relative. This gives Sandler the excuse to travel to New York to defend his ill-gotten fortune from a bunch of other rich white men, and throughout the rest of the movie, Sandler goes between reciting nauseating poetry and beating the nay-nays off of various other rich white men. The only female character of note is Winona Ryder, who goes from being a devious femme fatale (one Ball-ywood cliche for wymyn) to his moony-eyed come-catcher (the other cliche for wymyn). The only other discernible function she serves is to provide the gathered "press" with the apparently knee-slapping observation that she "steals the movie." Stop. My ribs. For a supposed comedy, this fetid pile of waste product has disconcertingly few laughs. Once again, my sisters, you have been warned!
The Daily Probe is updated every Tuesday or whenever we damn well feel like it. Copyright 2001-2004 / All Rights Reserved No use allowed without prior permission.